Australia needs a Royal Family

DISCLAIMER:  The following post deviates from my normal blog and is just a bit of a sarcastic personal rant.  This is all a bit tongue-in-cheek, I'm not trying to offend anyone here.  Regularly scheduled programing will resume in a moment.

Visiting Saint Petersburg has given me a theory. I think Australia needs it's own real proper royal family. Not the adopted, watered-down, nerfed royals like we have at the moment.. I'm talking about proper old-school heads of state. The ones that snap their fingers and make heads roll and make ridiculous demands that would shame Mariah Carey and Spinal Tap.
Look at the countries that had Kings, Queens, Emperors and Tsars like that... Now THEY knew how to get stuff done!

A jazzed up fortune teller told the Chinese Emperor he would be killed by a Mongolian, so the Emperor turns around and tells his dudes to go build a Great Wall that turns into one of the wonders or the world. That's some pretty hard-core ruling.

Some Tsar decides he's too good for Moscow and wants to build Russia a new capital. Bang! Saint Petersburg is born out of a swamp. No questions, no matter the cost, just get it done.

And don't even get me started on the Pyramids...

Is there anyone here who looks back at these great marvels and thinks they should never have been built? If the Great Wall or the Pyramids were never built then the lives of many thousands of people would have been saved... But it's too late to worry about that, they'd be dead by now anyway, right?
The point is, nearly all the cool stuff in the history of the world was built by the order of some royal nut-job or evil dictator. Not some do-good elected committee.

Democracy breeds mediocrity. What's the best a freely-elected government can give us these days? The Perth Bell tower? Kings Park? Barbagello Raceway?
That's ridiculous when you consider in today's modern age, a half-drunk bogan in a bobcat can achieve about as much in a day as 100 slaves could back in the time of Cleopatra. We've got no excuse.  We should be churning out a new wonder of the world every week!

I think T-shirt hell sums it up best on one of their shirts featuring an image of the pyramids and the caption "slavery gets shit done".  It's meant to be an offensive joke, but there's no denying the truth of it.

Seriously, so many of the most amazing things in the world came at a terrible human cost which is easy to ignore.
Here I am cruising around the world having the time of my life enjoying the fruits of centuries of slave labour. I need to remind myself of this from time to time to get some perspective I think.

Saint Petersburg is a city 300 years old.  That might seem pretty old compared to Australian cities, but for a European city it's just a teenager.  Looking around this city, it's incredible to see what's been achieved, even more incredible to think it was all built by hand before any modern machinery was available, and most incredible of all to think it was done in one of the coldest climates on the planet.  I mean here I am in -26degC temperatures, the rivers are frozen up and winter hasn't even started yet.

What have we managed to achieve in the last 200-odd years since European settlement in Australia?  Well, we did our best to destroy 50,000 years of the world's oldest living culture... hmm..  We invented the lamington, and we've put a lot of effort into producing some impressive athletes (while the rest of the population sets new records for obesity).
Ok, so that's a bit harsh. I actually love Australia and I know we have plenty to be proud of.  There are things I miss about it every day while I'm away.  But there are so many things we could learn from other cultures and ways to improve life for everyone.  We really do live in the "Lucky Country", but sometimes it feels like we've got some of our priorities wrong as a society.

We need a King of Australia to grab the country by the scruff of the neck and kick the unskilled bogans out of their bobcats and send off to learn quality craftsmanship and design instead of just how to bulldoze more, faster. And while they're gone we should hand all the fatties a shovel and drill and tell them to get off their bums to start doing the hard labour required for a new Australian capital city.  We need to learn to embrace high-density living, develop good public transport, reverse our tendency to prefer quantity over quality, and dismiss the "more = better" attitude we have about almost everything.
And anybody with a "Love it or Leave!", "F*ck off we're full" or even a Southern Cross sticker on the back of their vehicle should be made to live overseas for a year to gain an appreciation of a number of other cultures and just how little they have to complain about.  It's time for a nation-wide reality check.

Of course as the instigator of the Australian New Royals, I would graciously accept a post as one of the "haves" rather than the "have nots". I don't think this kind of regime is quite as popular with the unwashed masses as it is with the lucky few at the top, so I'd rather just avoid being one of the plebs.
No matter that I might be both a fattie and a bogan, that I might live in a house with a backyard in the urban sprawl, drive several vehicles, and consume more than an entire African village.

When I say "we" need to change our attitudes, really I mean "everyone except me".
And therein lies the problem.  Talk is cheap.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Saint Petersburg, Russia

Saint Petersburg

Saint Petersburg is one of those cities that for me has been shrouded in mystery. Ask anybody and they'll tell you how beautiful it is, but how many people do you know who have actually been there? The only reason people say it's beautiful is because other people have told them it is.
I don't mean that as a criticism, simply that it's a remote city with a big reputation that for me has been based more on rumor than fact.

I was a little worried this might be a recipe for disaster. Surely It wouldn't live up to these amazing expectations which I kind of had, but weren't really sure what they were.

But having now seen it with my own eyes, let me say one thing for certain. Saint Petersburg really is an achingly beautiful city. Believe the hype.

It is often referred to as the Venice of the north, and a comparison like this is a compliment to both cities. Character and charm drip from every building. It is as elegant a city I've ever been to, yet there was hardly a tourist to be seen, and while prices were high by Russian standards, they are still cheap by European or Australian standards.

I was also really impressed by the attitude of locals towards me. On the whole, the people I saw on the street in St Petersburg seemed to be the most affluent I'd seen in Russia. I was half expecting this to result in them being a bit snobbish and cold, but it was far from the truth. They were warm, friendly, down to earth, interesting and approachable.

The city was created from scratch 300 years ago under order of Peter the Great as Russia's new capital, and was designed to be a "window to Europe". As such it has a much more western-European flavor about it than other parts of Russia I've seen, but it combines the best of Europe and the best of Russia into a single, beautifully cohesive city.

It doesn't have the energy or dynamic feel of Moscow, but it more than makes up for it with an incredible charm.

This has got to be one of the best/worst kept secrets of Europe. I assume the hassles associated with getting a Russian Visa is the main reason the place isn't overrun by tourists. If so then make the most of it while you can. Getting a Russian Visa isn't that big a deal, but being able to experience a city like this without being run down by hundreds of tourist buses is well worth the hassle. Not to mention the fact you'll be able to afford much more on your holiday here.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Saint Petersburg, Russia.

The Moscow Metro

I'm not a train buff. Honestly. Sure I'm doing most of my traveling by train on this trip and I have the upmost respect for rail as a form of transport, but I'm not some anorak nerd who recites locomotive production numbers and all that stuff. I can tell the difference between an electric and a diesel train, and I can tell if it is new or old, but I don't care too much beyond that. If I score a comfy bed with good cabin mates then I'm happy and that's all I need to know about a train, with bonus points if the ride is quiet and smooth with friendly staff.

But then there's the Moscow Metro. This is something very special, and really has nothing to do with the trains themselves. It's all about the stations and the network.

Here's a subway network that carries more people each day than London and New York combined, with a dozen lines and something ridiculous like 150 stations. And not just any stations. These are the most ornate, opulent, beautiful, metro stations in the world.

And efficient? You better believe it. Trains run on every line through every station every 2 minutes. The trains always seem to be busy, with standing room only almost always, but never packed.

The trains themselves are getting on a bit, and the crazy Russian drivers hammer along the rickety tracks like they're driving a roller coaster, but none of that detracts from this being the single most efficient transport system I've ever encountered. By a long way.

Oh, and the price? About $1 a trip. It doesn't matter where you get on and off, just a single fare to get you through the initial station gate and you're free to go wherever. Change trains, lines, stop at as many stations and take as many photos as you like of the stations (just don't get caught photographing the guards, they don't like having their faces in photos).

You can quite easily spend a whole afternoon touring the Metro for the price of a single ticket. In fact I did. The only difficult thing was working out a route that would take me past some of the best looking stations.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Moscow, Russia

Привет Москве!

I promised my grandmother I'd take a photo of me in Red Square wearing a fur hat that belonged to my grandfather.

My train pulled into it's station in Moscow at 4am. Ouch. I don't even remember which station it was. Moscow has heaps, and after only a few hours sleep everything was a bit blurry.
What made it worse was the fact it was raining. Not snowing, raining. Damn, my umbrella was packed up somewhere in the middle of my big bag, I didn't plan for rain. This is Russia, it's supposed to snow, not rain.

But never mind. I was collected at the end of the platform by a driver who was to take me to my hotel (big thanks to Simon at Flower Travel in Melbourne, your arrangements have all been flawless). Seeing as it was 4am, I had no idea what I was going to do when I got to the hotel, but I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

So I packed my stuff into a car and away we went. The driver had the radio blaring a commercial station when we took off, and in case it wasn't already loud enough, he cranked it up to 11.

So my introduction to Moscow was driving through the city at breakneck speeds at 4am with my sleepy ears bleeding to Michael Jackson, Abba, Aerosmith, and the Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up". I had a huge grin on my face. I couldn't have chosen a better set list. Welcome to Moscow. Leave your political-correctness on the train. Everything was perfect.

After a while we arrived at my hotel. It was a bit further out of the centre of the city than I expected, but not far from two metro stations, so transport wouldn't be a problem.

The driver dumped me and my stuff at the hotel door and then screamed off to the sound of Elvis fading into the dark.

It was about 4:30am. I figured I might be able to leave my bags in the hotel and then go exploring for an hour or so until the Metro started for the day, then I could head into the city and come back to check into the hotel after lunch.

But I walked into the hotel and was greeted by Katerina, the most wonderful and helpful receptionist I've met on my trip so far. She sorted me out and allowed me to check in to my room at 4:30am (no charge for that night). Awesome! I was upstairs and asleep within 5 minutes.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Moscow, Russia

Who kutsk? Irkutsk!

When I was planning this trip, Irkutsk was just another dot on the map. Everybody's heard of Siberia and knows it's huge, remote, and full of snow. We've heard about how inhospitable it can be and seen glimpses from storybooks and Bond movies. But can you name a city in Siberia? No? Neither could I before this trip.

Well, Irkutsk is a name worth remembering. It's been one of the unexpected highlights of my trip, and a fantastic way to greet Europe. And let's be clear here, Irkutsk might be closer to Beijing than it is to Moscow, not far from the Mongolian border, geographically still part of Asia, and home to a sizable Mongolian and Chinese population, but the moment I stepped off the train there was no doubt I had left Asia behind. This unmistakably feels like Europe, and is also unmistakably Russian.

I was surprised how dramatic the change was. As I've been traveling north from Saigon, through Vietnam, China, and Mongolia, of course I've noticed the gradual change in climate from muggy 30c daily temps down to -20c and more. For some reason I expected the cultures to change as gradually as the climate. I expected the customs and people to be a bit "blurred at the edges" of different countries. This couldn't be further from the truth. Crossing each border has been like flicking a switch when it comes to cultures.

But getting back to Irkutsk. This is a beautiful, modest, unassuming little city that feels much smaller than it actually is, and is thick with character and charm.

With each arrival in a new city for me, that first taxi ride from train station to accommodation is always crucial for developing a first impression of that city. There have only been two taxi rides so far where I've had to keep pinching myself to convince me that I'm not dreaming. Shanghai for it's sheer scale and the awesome engineering feat that is the entire city, and now Irkutsk for being a living, breathing, authentic small city that truly belongs in a story book. It doesn't beat it's chest and try to tell the world how good it is (well maybe Lake Baikal does a little bit, but not Irkutsk itself), it just gets on with life. I realize I'm not traveling during tourist season, but in the four days I spent there I didn't see anyone who didn't look like a local, or hear any language apart from Russian that wasn't associated with me in some way. This place feels undiscovered by tourists. I'm sure it gets busy during the summer months, but I actually don't understand why foreigners would come to Russia during summer anyway. If you go to Siberia, you need snow. Why else would you come? And ever since I left Beijing I've had the best weather I could hope for. Cold, with plenty of snow in Russia, but bright sunny still days that are perfect for walking around in. The only thing the weather prevented me from doing is going for a swim in Lake Baikal.

Everything I hoped to be true about Siberia really is true. Gorgeous forests, frozen lakes, ornate wooden cottages huddled together, and snow. Lots of snow.

And then there's the people. I know a few Russians back in Australia, so I figured I had a fair idea of what to expect; perhaps a bit of a cool reception when first meeting people, but once the ice is broken they tend to open up and become very friendly and warm.

Of course I shouldn't stereotype because everyone is different, but there are certainly cultural trends that change when you cross borders.

Ordering food has been fun. Sometimes I get a waiter or waitress who speaks english and is an amazing help (giving me in-depth descriptions of dishes, etc), other times I get put in the too hard basket and basically ignored. I can't say I blame them. If I'm lucky I might know the main ingredient (meat, chicken, fish) of the dish I'm ordering, but that's about it. I think the trick is finding a quiet restaurant where the staff aren't busy and more likely to be patient. This might go against the golden rule that the best restaurants are the busiest, but at least you're more likely to get something you actually want.

I did find two excellent restaurants in Irkutsk. The first one was part of the biggest classic Soviet-era hotel in town, and was going for a nice "high-class seedy" vibe (think Leisure Suit Larry) featuring nice 80's mood lighting, plush carpets, a low-slung dress on the singer accompanying the backing CD, and Sveta the waitress wearing a dress so impossibly short it would break a dozen health and safety regulations in Australia.

I ordered salmon and caviar (and beer) and received some beautiful smoked salmon crepes with sour cream and a huge serving of the most delicious caviar I've had in my life. I never understood the appeal of caviar before now, but this stuff was insane and there was enough for me to gorge myself.

I haven't even mentioned where I'm staying yet! Instead of a hotel, I'm staying in a home stay with the wonderful Sergey and Olga, and their lovely and very entertaining little grand-daughter Paulina. This makes a nice change from staying in hotels, and the advice they gave me (along with Lena from Aqua-Echo in Irkutsk) has been invaluable and really helped me make the most of my visit here.

For anyone traveling the Trans-Siberian route, Irkutsk should definitely be a place to hang around for a while. Don't expect a buzzing night life, but if you want somewhere cruisey and interesting to relax and break up the journey then you won't be disappointed.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Irkutsk, Eastern Siberia, Russia